That is what is on my mind today. I am trying my best to plan my days so I don’t end up with idle time. I need to know that I will have another task to reach for. So today yesterday there was a bit. Not too much though. And today I am planning to be out running errands. Work has been and will be crazy for awhile so my personal schedule is a bit off. Plus it is the end of the school year and so lots of stuff to handle there too. Prayer got me through today and will get me through tomorrow. I am thankful for all the support I recieve from my friends.
Having a mental health diagnosis makes the motivation portion of this harder for me than it could be. Motivation has rarely come from within myself. I usually need to reach-out to others. The issue with that is, between my isolating due to depression and that I am an introvert anyway, needing people but not wanting to be around them is really hard. When I am around them I accomplish things but when it’s me, and I need to get things done I procrastinate.
After sleeping a bit I am feeling like my goal for today is to hide! Hide in the darkest hole I can find. Not out of depression, well maybe a little but out of embarrassment, and the sadness that I am unable to fulfill my desires. I know I am a good person. I know there are people that love me and I know that the best is yet to come. BUT right now at this moment I want things that I can’t have. Things that are not in my control. I try to control everything else because of that and that is not working out too well either.
So today I will talk with a professional and hide from everything else while I work it out I suppose.