Today was a trying day, every time I turned around I was in tears! People complicate life, I have been on this planet for 30+ years and I do not hold very much anger towards anyone. Trust me, I have been through enough to hold a grudge or two or three… But I am generally just not an angry person. I have been hurt, and hurt over and over yet I still hold caring and loving thoughts towards people. Maybe that’s my problem, maybe I did that for too long and this was bound to happen, I don’t know. I do know that I do my best, I did nothing wrong and I will come out on top.
Anger is a scary emotion. Right up there with fear. Fear is something that I unfortunately know well. But the two are very different, the only other time I have felt anger of this magnitude was towards myself. And those days were trying days as well. Many many years ago I was not always so kind to myself. I burned myself, cut my arms up, let people use me. I did not have much respect for myself which then made me angrier and the cycle began again. I would spend hours with a blade sitting in silence. Silence and tears! Just feeling so horrible that I was even alive, why I had to go through the things I did. Change is good though and having certain people in my life really made me realize that all those things I experienced were blessings in disguise because I can now show others how I got through all those tough times. And I am hoping to learn from this experience too even though I am angry and it’s unpleasant. The anger I feel now, in this situation is similar except it’s more of a beat the hell out of a person feeling. I have never physically harmed another person EVER! I was asked today what emotions I felt… ANGER! Definitely anger!