Emotions are strange sometimes, today I have had an avalanche of varied emotions. I have felt confusion, jealousy, triumph, pain, excitement, and so much more. The last hour or so I have been playing a future conversation I will need to have in my head over and over… 

I have tried to look at the situation from different perspectives but it hasn’t changed the fact that I cry, hard, really hard every single time.

I don’t know what to do with that, it is real, it isn’t going to change although I do wish I could change the action behind why I have to have the conversation. But nonetheless I am not a wizard and can’t do that. I also can’t lie, or deny or leave it out.

I wonder can someone actually be TOO honest? What ever happened to what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

ignorance is bliss… 

For the record: I completely and utterly agree with that statement.

The thought that maybe I can just get by and not have to face this is one that keeps coming back, then I cry again. There have been many short bursts of tears today. I am almost fearful in a way of the day I will have to deal with the situation I put myself in. I’m not proud, and I am hurting. But I will do it with sincerity. 


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