Can’t have both…

I was just thinking about balance!

In my life I have noticed that I cannot have balance. I have tried many times  and failed. A year or 2 ago it seemed like I had balance but it was a mask. I am now left “naked” I guess you could say. There is nothing to hide behind. This last year has proven to me that I have yet to find the balance. Either home struggles or work struggles. I can’t have both be great at the same time. Throwing a third thing in for some reason helped to balance me for a bit partially the persons energy I think and also because I wanted to try and it was fun and new and exciting but who knows if it would have kept up… I like to believe it would have. 

But why can I not do it regularly…?

I feel like staying positive is a full time job and in order for me to master it and truly be happy with everything I would have to quit my job and not have a kid around for awhile…(their negativity/whining) So how do people do it. I suppose if the work is done earlier in life before a career, before kids than its better but that’s not the deal here. I just don’t get it. It brings me to tears at how hard I try and get nowhere.  

Balance is important and I want it but I have no idea how to bring it to my life… Law of attraction….? 

Well I thought of that but I have never had balance for any long period of time so I have no idea what feeling I am striving for. That’s part of why I want it because I can’t work on my manifesting skills have a job and be a mom. It’s just so much! I guess I feel overwhelmed. 

When I am not focusing on manifestation exercises I find it hard to be positive and happy so I put time into that then work and home suffers…

If I focus on work home suffers and the manifesting/positive stuff is completely out the window… If I focus on home, well idk because I haven’t… I try to utterly ignore any emotion related to home. I am there for only a few waking hours a day during the week and usually only 1 day on the weekends… I meet the needs of my child but often feel guilty about not being able to go above and beyond as often as I believe I should. Bad day yesterday and my child was very patient and kind and I love that. 

I don’t even know where to go with this/from here. I just know that I am forever searching for balance. 

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