Decisions

  

When decisions are made things can hurt. I made a Facebook post awhile back that said something along the lines of I put the work in once do I even want to do it again… 

Well… This past year has been quite the year. Loss, and more loss. Then found, found by someone else perhaps..? 

I put “work” into ten years and then it was gone… And then I was “found” again and it felt good. It didn’t feel like work for the first time in 10 years. 

Then that was gone too. People say that I can move on and do it again and I am strong and all that, BUT I do not feel like I have the life in me to put work into something like I had just to lose it again, and again. 

Different relationships evoke different feelings it doesn’t mean one is better than the other, or that one is going to last longer… that was proven to me. 

The last week or so I have been taking care of me and meditating and I believed that I was heading in the right direction and I know I should not take direction on my life from others but apparently I was wrong and I am again at the point of just standing still. Do I wait? Do I go? Do I let the craziness in my head take over and keep pushing? Idk but feelings and relationships suck but they are what drives our lives. I probably would have uprooted my life awhile ago if there was not a small other factor involved. But maybe that is what needs to happen. Maybe I need a complete change. Get rid of the whole past and move on.  So one day if my number doesn’t work know I have made that decision and all the memories will still remain. 

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